I Don't Know Anymore
by Twinnie
Summary: Post RotJ AU. Anakin and Padmé meet again in a corridor, but they're supposed to be the Queen and Darth Vader. Written before AotC.


A/N : The following text was actually written as a part of a longer fic I'll never write, so I figured it could as well be posted here instead of being lost. Found it in the depths of the computer while cleaning the disk, can you imagine what posterity would've missed if it had been erased ?! [face_tragic]  
  
Summary : A scene in an alternate post-RotJ Universe. Have you read Truce at Bakura ? If you haven't, nevermind ; just know that the basic plot is that there are mean ETs attacking the Imperial planet of Bakura, and that the Imperials on planet have to accept the help of a Rebel team to get rid off them. I was wondering what would have happened if there had been many more Sii-Ruk... So many of them that the Imperials had not only needed the help of the Rebels, but also the one of all the neutral troops in the Galaxy... Including the Naboo.  
  
The scene takes place right after the first meeting between the troops on Bakura, and the Naboo. Anakin is healed, somehow ; he keeps playing the Vader act so the Imperials will obey him. This is what happens when he and Padmé meet maskless for the first time since he left her.  
  
Disclaimer : Anakin belongs with Padmé, Padmé belongs with Anakin, Luke and Leia are too stubborn to belong to anyone, and the Sii-Ruk belong to Kathy Tyers. *pauses* This is the moment when George Lucas should be worshipped.  
  
Please forgive the mistakes, English is not my mother tongue =)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I Don't Know Anymore  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He was walking down the corridor when he crashed into her. They both stopped, paralized, and stared at each other. He couldn't read her face. She had her queen face, this neutral expression he had learnt to hate. He didn't know what it meant, didn't know how he was supposed to react. When they had looked at each other during the meeting, he had felt how complex her emotions were. He knew his own were as well. Shame, sorrow, rejection of all he had been ; fear of her rejection. Not being able to read her face, he looked into her eyes, and lost himself in them. As if in a dream, he slowly raised his hand and softly touched her cheek. She shivered. Shaking slightly, he leaned over and kissed her tenderly, letting his tongue slid into her for the first time in twenty-three years. She put her hands on his chest and kissed him back, apparently not realizing what was really happening. She still tasted the same, Anakin thought somewhere in his mind. He was scared of moving, scared of putting his arms around her, because he knew it would break the moment. If he did, she would feel endangered. She would remember the times he had...   
  
She must have remembered anyway because she suddendly pushed him away, stepping backwards. He felt ashamed, but did not move. He just dropped to his side the hand that had been on her face.  
  
'Who are you ?' she asked coldly. He stared at her in confusion, looking for something in her eyes that would tell him what she thought. She had recognized him, hadn't she ? She wouldn't have kissed a perfect stranger ? Was it because she didn't know he was healed now ? No, she knew it was him, he realized. She just expected him to tell it himself. But he couldn't. He couldn't just say 'hey, it's me, your long lost husband'. He wanted to tell her he loved her, tell her he was back and he was sorry. But he couldn't. She was obviously expecting something else. An explanation ? Did he really have one ? he wondered while gazing dreamily at his beloved's face. Seeing her safe with his own eyes was making his heart sing. He forgot she had asked him something, forgot he had left her all these years ago, and just looked on her.   
  
'Are you an angel ?' he couldn't stop himself from whispering.   
  
Something passed in her eyes, something he didn't recognized. His hand shook slightly as he remembered the situation.  
  
'Who are you ?' she repeated, detaching every syllab, her face still neutral.  
  
He opened his mouth to answer something but no sound came. He just didn't know what to say. He no longer wanted to be Vader, but that was who he was known as, and who he would stay until the Sii-Ruk were defeated. Luke saw him as Anakin, and that was who he wished he still were, but that wasn't true. The Dark Side was still ruling his destiny, though indirectly. The consequences of his dark actions would follow him all his life. There was no way he would ever forgive himself. Who was he ? A puzzle. A mess. All he knew was that he loved Padmé, and he loved their children. Even if Leia would never even accept him. Force, he loved them so much...  
  
She was still waiting for his answer, and he knew she wouldn't give up until she had what she wanted. He lowered his eyes, suddendly finding something very interesting on his hands, and whispered hoarsly. 'I don't know.' A silence. She wanted to hear more. 'I don't know anymore Love.' Love. The word had escaped him. He glanced up to see how she reacted but he still couldn't read her. He thought she had softened a bit but that might be just the light. He hesitated a moment before he managed to ask : 'Will you help me find out ?'   
  
He didn't know how he would react if she said no. He just couldn't lose her again. Not when Leia hated him so much. So he waited, staring at his hands. When he couldn't wait any more he looked up and met her gaze. It had definitely softened , he tought, though her face was still a mask. When she saw him meet her eyes, she raised her hand and lightly touched his cheek, the way he had previoulsy touched hers. A bitter smile reached her lips as she answered : 'I don't know Love. Let me some time.' She suddendly broke the contact and fled. He remained alone in the corridor, wondering if all this had really happened. Leaning hard against the wall, he stared longly at the ceiling. He felt Luke shyly touching his mind and rejected the contact, wishing he could just be left alone to shout, and cry. 


End file.
